Unchanging

Sometimes the state of the world and our country scare me.  Today was one of those days when I just had to turn off the news and not listen any more.  The world is just getting more wicked and confused by the day and it is especially difficult to see our country getting so lost.  There are some scary things out there and today I just wanted to pretend that none of it was happening.  And so what do I do when panic starts to set in?  I remember all of the talks given in General conference this weekend.  So many wonderful talks meant to encourage, uplift, remind and teach.  There were several talks about how our Heavenly Father has promised that if we will listen to the prophets voice, that we will be listening to him!  The organization of the church is set up so that we can never be led astray if we listen and do what the prophets tell us to do.  And that is the beautiful thing about the gospel.  The doctrine and truths of the gospel are unchanging.  God is unchanging.  So, when the rest of the world is reeling with change, I can rely in the knowledge that if I listen to the words of the Lord, that everything will be ok.  Jared asked me again today when Jesus will be coming back and that he misses him.  I am with you Jared.  I miss him too.

“The Lord’s house is a house of order and we need never be deceived about where to look for answers to our questions, or uncertain about which voice to follow. We need not be ‘tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine.’ God reveals His word through His ordained servants, ‘For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God.’ When we choose to live according to the words of the prophets, we are on the covenant path that leads to eternal perfection.”

Carol F. McConkie (First Counselor, General Young Women’s Presidency)

Jared's Baptism- February 28, 2014

On February 28 my sweet Jared was baptized!  What a special day it was!  We had debated about when to have him baptized because developmentally he doesn't quite have the understanding that most eight year olds have, but we decided that we wanted him to be baptized in the ward that has known him his whole life and the year that the other kids in his primary class were baptized.  He was very, very excited about it.  I made him a little book that I read to him the weeks leading up to it that helped explain what was going to happen and why in very simple words and pictures.  He knew that Jesus was baptized and that Jesus wanted him to be baptized.  We were a little worried about how he would handle being immersed in the water but he did wonderfully!  He could tell that it was a very special day.

Luckily, it was just Jared from our ward that was baptized that day so we were able to fine tune the program to suit his needs.  We just had one talk, given by his Grandma Shawcroft and she was able to speak just to him.  Grandma did a beautiful job and it was perfect but half-way through her talk Jared stated, "Can I just go and get baptized now?"  Everyone had a laugh about his comment.  He was just so excited and wanted to do what he was here to do!  Alyssa then sang a beautiful song for us and then it was time!

After his baptism and confirmation, Bishop Giles shared a few thoughts with us. He specifically mentioned how some of the very elite souls have often been given less than perfect bodies but how we can learn so much from them.  I loved how he talked so sweetly about my sweet, perfect little man, and the spirit in the room was sweetly felt by all.  It was a perfect morning shared with wonderful friends and family and we were so blessed to witness Jared's baptism.  I have no idea what the future holds for Jared.  We just take each day as it comes as he continues to amaze us with his intelligence and funny little things that he says.  He may live with us forever and what a blessing it would be if that is the case.  I am so grateful to have him!

 This smile!  It just melts my heart!

 You can tell how excited he is by looking at that smile!

 How grateful I am for this wonderful husband of mine!  He is the best!

 My sweet family.  Jared was getting tired of pictures by this point.

(And yes, Tyler is as tall as me in this picture.  He is now officially taller than me by a couple of inches!)

Alyssa, Jared and I with Jeff's wonderful parents.

Love these two!

SleeeeeeeeeeeeP

It's never a good sign when you sit down to start writing and end up falling asleep.  Today was busy.  This week has been busy.  And I can't seem to keep my eyes open so if strange words start to show, then we will know why!  I love you husband, I love my family!  And I love the Savior.

Become As a Little Child

Sometimes I wonder how much Jared can remember about his pre-mortal life.  Jared LOVES to talk about Jesus.  He tells me at least once a day how much he loves Jesus and how much he misses him.  He asks me when he will be coming back to Earth and how he can't wait until he can give him a hug and a kiss.  It is fascinating to hear how his little brain is processing thoughts and ideas.  He knows that Jesus is in Heaven with Heavenly Father and in his understanding, heaven is in space with all of the planets and the asteroids.  He knows that he can pray and ask Heavenly Father and Jesus for help.  In Jared's mind, the only thing that he ever needs help with is getting past the next angry birds level, so that is what he asks for help with!  His simple testimony of his Savior is so sweet and pure, so innocent and perfect.  I love it!  He reminds me daily to remember my Savior and to ask for his help and Heavenly Father's help even for things that may seem trivial and not worth their help.

One evening the kids and I were in the car and Tyler and Alyssa were arguing as they often do.  They were about to drive me crazy and I finally told them that they couldn't speak for the remaining time in the car.  They were grumpy and they were making me grumpy.  Jared had been very quiet during the ride and as soon as the arguing subsided, he stated that he loved Jesus and then started talking about him.  The entire feeling in the car changed from one of grumpiness to one of peace.  As we pulled into the garage, Tyler commented that he was so grateful for Jared.  What an incredible teaching moment we had in the quiet of the car as Jared told us all about Jesus!  My children teach me so much.

“Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

“Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3–4)

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)

Changes

It has been so long!  But I am back.  I have so much to record.  We have had a HUGE year and I need to get it all down.

1.  We built a new home!  We have been living in it for three months now.  We love it and it is perfect for us!  I wouldn't change a thing.

2.  Jeff started his own business.  He just hired his first employee!

3.  Alyssa had more surgery in Cleveland in March and in May.  It has been rough but she went two and a half months without a seizure!  Unfortunately she has had two in the past two weeks, but we aren't giving up hope!

4.  Tyler started high school and just turned 16!!!!

5.  Jared turned 8 and was baptized!

There have been many more adventures but these are the "big" events.  I will continue with more details over the next few weeks.

Sweet Baby Colin

On August 23 my little sister's 10 week old baby passed away during his nap from SIDS.  Oh how my heart has ached for Erika and her husband, Jeremy.  I want to take all of the pain and sorrow away for them.  I want to just make it all go away, but I can't.

This is the second baby my family has lost in less than a year.  My brother Tyler and his wife, Krista lost a baby in November at just 5 days old.  Sometimes you just wonder why?  Why did this have to happen again?  My sister Rachel, and I decided while we were at the funeral that this totally stinks.  We are not going to have another family reunion at a funeral.  We have done our time and we are good now.  How nice if we could just decide that and then nothing hard would ever come again!

I was never able to hold sweet baby Colin alive.  Erika lives far away in Wisconsin and I hadn't even met my sweet nephew in person.  How grateful I was to be able to at least hold him before we said our final goodbyes.  Such a sweet, innocent baby.  So beautiful and perfect.  An angel.  I just wished that I could awake that sweet, sleeping baby from his slumber and feel the warmth of his skin.  So hard, so sad, and yet such hope and faith that we will see  him again.

I couldn't help but think that it should have been one of my children that was gone.  Mine have had the medical issues that could have easily taken them and could take them. Colin was perfect! Why did he have to go?  And I guess that is our answer.  He is perfect so he had to go.

Erika's daughter Morgan and sweet baby Colin

My siblings amaze me.  All of us, at least those of us who have families of our own, have gone through some hard things.  I guess that because I am the oldest, that I always think of my little brothers and sisters as still little.  But they are incredible people!  They have such strong testimonies of the gospel.  They love our Savior and they are so resilient, kind, loving, faithful, generous, amazing people!  They are a great example to me of how to be a good parent.  They have shown me how to pick myself up and keep going even when things are hard.  They have taught me how to have a strong relationship with my husband. They have shown me how to work hard and complain less.  I could go on and on.  There is no doubt that the family is an eternal principle.  We learn and grow so much from our experiences in a family.  We learn in sorrow and heartache, and we learn in joy and happiness.  I am so very grateful for such a wonderful family.  I am so blessed.

Happy!!!

The summer of 2013 was one of the best summers that we have had in a very long time.  I was dreading it and not excited at all for it, because for the last few summers, Tyler has had a very difficult time.  When he is depressed and his anxiety is rearing its ugly head, summers are difficult.  He is bored but doesn't feel like doing anything so he would follow me around all day every day crying and moaning.  Melt downs are a daily occurrence when he is like this.  No matter what I would do or suggest, nothing would help him.  He and I were truly just surviving hour to hour.  It would make me so sad to feel like I didn't want to be around him anymore.  Mental illness is not just difficult for the one experiencing it, it is difficult for those around them as well.  The entire household is affected by it and I was tired and dreading having him around all day.  I often felt like he was sucking the life out of me because he wanted to me to take away what was wrong but I couldn't!  How can you help someone when they don't even know what is wrong?  At the end of the school year he was not doing well.  We have tried so many medications and therapists with minimal success.  Tyler's wonderful mental health provider decided to try a medication that isn't a usual choice, but we had tried everything else.  I can tell you now that miracles do happen!  It is working!  We have seen a Tyler that we haven't seen for a very, very long time.  A Tyler who is funny, and social.  A Tyler who is laughing and joining family meals and activities.  A Tyler who is HAPPY!!!! He even told me about half way through the summer that he thought that he was happy.  I just about fainted when I heard that simple word come from him.  I truly didn't know if I would ever hear it come from him.  Prayers have been answered!!!!

I just loved Elder Holland's talk in General Conference last week.  He specifically addressed those who suffer from and those who care for those with mental health issues.  I loved these two quotes.....

"However bewildering this (mental health disorders) all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor."

How true!!!!  It is time that we stop hiding these issues in a closet and pretend they are not there. Tyler's sufferings and challenges are just as real and difficult as Jared's and Alyssa's have been.  Sometimes his have been more difficult because we don't have answers.  There are far too few good,well qualified mental health professionals out there and these challenges are invisible to most.  It is nothing to be ashamed of and reaching out for help and accepting help should not be a last resort. There is hope! Elder Holland then said this....

"Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind."

We truly can not judge.  The older I get, the more I realize that everyone has something that is difficult.  Some of those can be seen and are visible to others, but many are not.  We need to be patient, kind, and always give those that we might not understand or who are a little different, the benefit of the doubt.

Is Tyler perfect now?  No.  Is he always going to be happy from here on out?  Most likely not, but we are enjoying our happy boy for now and appreciating the funny, goofy, intelligent, confident young man that he is.  I love my oldest child so very much.  He is growing up so quickly, and I know, without a doubt, that our Heavenly Father will be watching over him and loving him no matter where or how life takes him.

To read all of Elder Holland's Talk click here.