Baby Steps

I am continuing to learn to appreciate "baby steps" in my life and in the life of my children. Steps that are so insignificant to some, are gigantic steps for kids with special needs. Sometimes I forget and start to compare my children to other children and I get discouraged and feel sad. For instance, I was at a talent show last week and saw some teenagers and children who are incredibly talented. Several pianists and a violinist that were absolutely amazing! They are so young and play so beautifully and I briefly felt that I must be failing my children because they haven't been developing talents such as these. Of course I know better not to compare, but I admit that I allowed myself to feel that way for a little while. The difficult thing about "baby steps" is that they are small in the world's terms. People don't applaud and you don't receive worldly recognition for "baby steps". And yet, "baby steps" are often more awe inspiring and amazing than you would think!

Jared's life has been full of "baby steps". Sitting on his own, bum scooting, walking, taking his first bite of food, becoming potty trained. These steps weren't achieved when they are typically achieved and he had to overcome a lot to take these "baby steps". They weren't applauded by anyone but family and friends and the world didn't recognize his brilliance, but these steps were brilliant! They were amazing and miraculous! Jared, once again, took a giant "baby step" this past week. He is no longer drinking from a bottle! Hooray! It was actually easier than I thought it would be and he has surprised me with how well he has adjusted. It is huge for him! It is a lot of work to get all of the calories that he needs from an open cup. But he was ready and he hasn't asked for it since the first day!

I knew this was a huge step and my family did as well, but what amazed me was how incredibly supportive and encouraging Jared's teacher was about this "baby step". She knew that he could do it and kindly encouraged my to try it. She didn't judge, or criticize, but helped Jared and I both to be ready to take this step. She knew that I was planning on doing it last week and she wanted to keep up to date on his progress. When he had officially thrown the bottles into the garbage, we saved the last one for him to take to school and they had a Bye Bye Bottle party for him. This was no simple throw the bottle in the garbage and good job Jared. This was a party! He wore the special hat all day, they played games, they cheered for him when he threw away the last bottle, each of the kids took turns telling Jared how proud they were of him, they sang songs as they took the garbage sack containing that last bottle to the dumpster, they played with glow sticks and balloons and Jared came home with a giant bottle shaped balloon! His teacher even sent an email to each of the kids parent's explaining what they had celebrated and why and how big of "baby step" this was for Jared. She rallied around him and me and gave him the recognition that he deserved. Her email explaining the party brought me to tears because she truly saw and appreciated how gigantic this "baby step" was for my Jared and for me! She has taught me to not under appreciate the miracles that take place in my children's lives. They may not be what the world sees as accomplished, but the things that they have accomplished are just as miraculous and have taken just as much work as any concert violinist! Thank you Becky!

Lessons Learned in the Bathtub

Alyssa had just been discharged from the hospital following her surgeries and we were back at our room at the Ronald McDonald House.  She hadn't been able to bathe since before her surgeries and I knew that she would feel so much better if she could get in the tub.  She was still having a lot of seizures, and because her right side was still not moving well, she was absolutely terrified of getting in the tub.  She had been nervous about taking baths before her surgery and I would always sit next to her whenever she was in the tub, but this was different.  She was absolutely scared to death!  It broke my heart, once again, to know that the surgery had not been successful.  This was part of the reason why we had decided to try surgery.  I didn't want my child to always be afraid of as simple a thing as bathing!  And here we were, post surgery, and she was even more terrified!  I was so sad for her, but I still knew that I had to get her in the bathtub that night.  I ran the tub and then came to get her and she cried and screamed but I told her that I would not let go of her the entire time.  I promised that I would keep her safe.  We started with her feet.  I sat on the side of the tub and held her.  Slowly she allowed her legs to go in and then slowly she was in up to her stomach.  Still cradling her in my arms I slowly lowered the rest of her into the warm, cleansing water.  She resisted at first, still afraid of what could happen, but as she felt the warm water and began to trust that I would not let anything happen to her, she started to relax and a small, contended smile slowly spread on her face.  She had a brief seizure, but I was there holding her, keeping her safe and she continued to enjoy her well deserved bath.  She was so sweet after we got her out of the tub and thanked me over and over again for helping her.  I told her that if I could take her place, I would do it in a heart beat.  It hurt me so much to see her hurting.  How I wished that I could just take it all way, but I couldn't.  All that I can do is help her, comfort her, and hold her up when she can't hold herself up.

It wasn't until a few weeks after getting home that this experience resurfaced in my mind.  As I thought about this sacred experience between my daughter and I,  I realized that this is exactly what our Savior is doing for us.  He is there to hold us up when we can't hold ourselves up!  As we learn to trust him, we are able to relax and let the calming, cleansing waters of the gospel wash over us.  There are times in our lives when we are truly terrified of what we may be facing.  Times when we don't think that we can continue.  Times when we are lost.  But if we allow our Savior to hold us, we can overcome anything!  And the truest miracle of all, is that he knows exactly how we are feeling and what we are experiencing because he has felt it all!  He has experienced every pain and every sorrow that any of us has ever experienced and so he personally understands exactly what we are going through!  All that we are asked to do is to trust him.  To ask him for the help that he so desperately wants to give us.  That is the lesson that I learned in the bathtub as I held my sweet, brave, daughter.