The summer of 2013 was one of the best summers that we have had in a very long time. I was dreading it and not excited at all for it, because for the last few summers, Tyler has had a very difficult time. When he is depressed and his anxiety is rearing its ugly head, summers are difficult. He is bored but doesn't feel like doing anything so he would follow me around all day every day crying and moaning. Melt downs are a daily occurrence when he is like this. No matter what I would do or suggest, nothing would help him. He and I were truly just surviving hour to hour. It would make me so sad to feel like I didn't want to be around him anymore. Mental illness is not just difficult for the one experiencing it, it is difficult for those around them as well. The entire household is affected by it and I was tired and dreading having him around all day. I often felt like he was sucking the life out of me because he wanted to me to take away what was wrong but I couldn't! How can you help someone when they don't even know what is wrong? At the end of the school year he was not doing well. We have tried so many medications and therapists with minimal success. Tyler's wonderful mental health provider decided to try a medication that isn't a usual choice, but we had tried everything else. I can tell you now that miracles do happen! It is working! We have seen a Tyler that we haven't seen for a very, very long time. A Tyler who is funny, and social. A Tyler who is laughing and joining family meals and activities. A Tyler who is HAPPY!!!! He even told me about half way through the summer that he thought that he was happy. I just about fainted when I heard that simple word come from him. I truly didn't know if I would ever hear it come from him. Prayers have been answered!!!!
I just loved Elder Holland's talk in General Conference last week. He specifically addressed those who suffer from and those who care for those with mental health issues. I loved these two quotes.....
"However bewildering this (mental health disorders) all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor."
How true!!!! It is time that we stop hiding these issues in a closet and pretend they are not there. Tyler's sufferings and challenges are just as real and difficult as Jared's and Alyssa's have been. Sometimes his have been more difficult because we don't have answers. There are far too few good,well qualified mental health professionals out there and these challenges are invisible to most. It is nothing to be ashamed of and reaching out for help and accepting help should not be a last resort. There is hope! Elder Holland then said this....
"Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind."
We truly can not judge. The older I get, the more I realize that everyone has something that is difficult. Some of those can be seen and are visible to others, but many are not. We need to be patient, kind, and always give those that we might not understand or who are a little different, the benefit of the doubt.
Is Tyler perfect now? No. Is he always going to be happy from here on out? Most likely not, but we are enjoying our happy boy for now and appreciating the funny, goofy, intelligent, confident young man that he is. I love my oldest child so very much. He is growing up so quickly, and I know, without a doubt, that our Heavenly Father will be watching over him and loving him no matter where or how life takes him.
To read all of Elder Holland's Talk click
here.
