My Cave

I've been in a little bit of a slump the last few weeks. I think that the combination of the dreary weather, little sleep, and the stress of my children finally caught up to me. I'm doing better now. I do really well handling life's stresses for months and then every now and again I just want to hide away in a cave and sleep. The bears really might have figured out a good thing when they decided to hibernate for the winter! :)

Jared has recovered well from his surgery and is as feisty and endearing as ever. I just get so overwhelmed with everything that I should be doing therapy wise for him. I just feel bad that everything has to be so hard for him. We go to the park and it is twice as much work for him to get places than the other kids. And, because he is scooting, his hands are down low and little kids aren't the best at watching where they are stepping and so his little fingers get a beating. I've decided that we need an adaptive playground in Utah County so that he can get around with his walker. Anyone have any ideas for that?

Yesterday we had his follow-up with the ENT for his surgery. They retested his hearing and his left ear still failed the tests. So, next month he has to have a sedated ABR test to determine what is really going on. Luckily his right ear is hearing well, but we will see about the left. We also have an appt. with his opthamologist next month because I am noticing some head tilting going on because of his Ptosis(droopy eye lids). They seem to be getting in the way and so we might end up having to do surgery to lift those lids so that he can see better. Jared always keeps us on our toes! The amazing thing about Jared is that he seems to take everything in stride. He never panics when I tell him that we are going to the hospital and continues to be a happy, cheerful boy most of the time. And everything on the kidney front is looking great! His white count is even normal right now! Hooray!

On top of keeping up with all of Jared's stuff, Tyler has been having a rough month. His anxiety has been escalating again and we have had a few rough days. We seem to have him leveled out again but it terrified me when I saw him start to struggle again. He is such a bright, sweet, kind young man and has so much potential! I often wonder if he will be able to do all that he is capable of doing because of this yucky mental illness that he struggles with. I know that I need to stop thinking this way, but I worry for him. I just want him to be happy!

Alyssa is doing well as usual, but she is definitely getting the short end of the stick. There are days when I wish that I could duplicate myself so that I could be in several different places at once! I never imagined how difficult it is to care for kids with special needs. I wouldn't trade them for the world, but life is not always like I thought that it would be. I am so blessed though. I have three beautiful children and the best husband in the world. Jared is alive and healthy thanks to his wonderful donor and health care team, and we have wonderful people who help us in so many ways. I know that my Heavenly Father has entrusted me with these sweet spirits and I know that he will always be there to help me when things just seem too hard. And that is why I don't climb into my little cave and stay there. My job as "Mom" is just to important and I know that if I keep on trying, that miracles will happen.