Thoughts

My growing up years were perfect. My parents were wonderful, I had great siblings, I grew up knowing that I could do anything that I put my mind too, I had fabulous friends who were positive influences in my life, and I knew that I was a daughter of God. To say that I had led a rather sheltered life would be an understatement. Life was good. Life was easy.

The older that I get, the more I am realizing that life is hard! It is full of so much happiness and goodness, but it is also full of such deep heartache and sorrow. Our little family has had our own challenges, but ours seem so easy compared to the challenges and sorrows that others experience. Sometimes I just want to yell "Enough! These good people have had enough!" My heart breaks for so many.

Today, a beautiful, perfect little angel, returned home to live with her Heavenly Father. She was 11 months old. She was born with a very serious congenital heart defect and has struggled from the very beginning. Her family is an amazing family full of such incredible faith and love. She received a heart transplant a week ago but it was not meant to be. The heart went into failure immediately and today she returned to her heavenly home. It is amazing how a family and a child that you have never met can become such a part of your life. I never met Gracie and her family personally, but I feel such sorrow for them. Little Gracie touched so many people in the time that she spent on Earth. She has been a blessing to so many and I am so grateful for the knowledge that we have that she will be reunited with her family and they will be a family forever!

One of my dear friends that I grew up with is currently in the middle of a divorce. Her husband is addicted to some very dangerous things, and after giving him 12 years of "another chance", she feels like staying with him would begin to influence their children in negative ways. After spending days and days praying and fasting, she feels that it is time to move on. The hardest part of this decision for her, was knowing how difficult it would be for her children. This decision was not made lightly. She has agonized over it! When we were happy, innocent, kids, we had such grand plans for how our lives would turn out. This was not part of the picture! But Holly is amazing! She has such faith, and love, and trust in God, and she knows that somehow, everything will be alright.

Yes, life is hard. But the amazing part of trials, is the growth that takes place within us as we struggle. I look back on different trials that I have experienced and although they were so hard, I wouldn't change them. I can see the person that I have become and all that I have learned, and I wouldn't change a thing. Heavenly Father knows us so well. He knows what we can handle and what we need to be able to get through such difficult times. I have often felt that angels have surrounded our little family during particular challenges and I know that we have been given so many wonderful tender mercies during times when we have needed them most. Sometimes I wish that I could still hide away in my little bubble of innocence, but that is not God's plan. We cannot truly appreciate the Joy without first experiencing the sorrow. This knowledge doesn't take away the pain, but it gives us hope of a better day!

Jared and La la

Jared ADORES his big sister. He calls her "La la". Alyssa really is a hard name to say for a toddler and so La la it is! La la can get him to do things that none of us can get him to do.

Jared has never really liked baths much. Now, one of his favorite things is, "La la bath?". Jared has always HATED showers. I have always loved sticking my little ones in the shower with me. I can shower, clean baby, and don't worry about the mess that is left in my absence when they are in the shower with me. But, Jared hasn't cooperated much with this one either. A couple of weeks ago La la managed to get him in the shower with her, and he loved it! He won't take one with anyone else, but he will take a "La la shower."

He loves to go up to La la's room. He says "find La la?". And then he follows her up the stairs. There they sing, and dance, and play, and read stories and have a marvelous time. One of his favorite La la activities is to be dragged around on a blanket. Wow does he love that!

My La la is a sweet one. Even her little brother knows that!

Watching Through the Window

I was able to go and watch Alyssa in her ballet class for a little while last week. I haven't been able to watch her for several months and it was nice to be able to see her. As soon as she saw me watching from the window she smiled and began concentrating so hard at everything she was doing. She was always peeking over to see if I was still watching. She is so BEAUTIFUL! I love watching her!

I remember my mom coming and watching my ballet classes. I would be so excited when I saw her face through the window. I would try so hard to do my very best and I too would also peek over to make sure that she was still watching. It seems so hard to believe that I am The Mom now, watching my own daughter through the window! I just hope that I can be the loving, supporting, mom to Alyssa that my Mom was and is to me! Thanks Mom, for watching me through the window! I love you!

Nap Time

Jared, as you know, is not the best sleeper in the world. So, I try to take a nap when he does. It is usually not a very long nap but quality is what counts. Right? This is our favorite way of napping. Life doesn't get much better than napping with your snuggle bug! (if you look closely near the bottom of the picture you will see the cat napping with us. He enjoys our nap time too!)

A Kind Stranger

This afternoon Jeff and I took the kids to our favorite little candy shop. Jeff gives them each a dollar and they spend ALOT of time deciding on the perfect mix for the day. As the kids were wandering around trying to decide what they wanted, Alyssa suddenly came up to me and said "A man just came up to me and put this in my hand." and she showed me a dollar. As I looked around to figure out what was going on, a man looked me in the eye, put his hand to his lips and whispered "Shhhhhhh", and then walked away. Alyssa's eyes were sparkling as she realized that she just got another dollar to spend! But, I think that the man's eyes were sparkling even more as he saw Alyssa's delight in his unexpected gift! There are so many good, good people in the world! A dollar probably seemed so insignificant to this man, but the joy that he gave a child in a candy store was priceless! Thank you, stranger, for sharing with us a bit of your light today! (Alyssa shared her dollar with Tyler without even thinking twice about it. She is just as generous!)

ENT Appointment

Jared had his ENT appt. this morning. They feel that we definitely need to have tubes put in so that we can get a better idea of how he is hearing. Often times kidney disease and hearing problems go hand in hand because they are made from the same genes, so we need to get this cleared up so that we can do more in depth hearing tests. Some of the hearing problems can even be progressive, so even though he passed his newborn hearing tests, things could have changed.

They are also going to go ahead and remove his tonsils and adenoids at the same time. They looked at his sleep study results from last summer and he does have some sleep apnea and enlarged tonsils so they are going to take them out and hopefully that will help him sleep better. They will also send in a tissue sample of his tonsils to test for PTLD (the cancer that transplant patients can get from the Epstein-Barr-Virus.) We don't think that he has this, but since we will have the tissue, they will go ahead and test it. At least we can do all of these things at the same time!

After a few weeks of having the tubes then we will go back in for further hearing tests. The fun doesn't end for my Jer Bear! So, we will be back in the hospital on March 12 for at least one night. Yipee! :)

Pokes = Cars

Jared LOVES cars. Every time that he has his labs drawn he gets to pick out a prize. 99% of the time he picks out a car. We actually walk into the lab and he gets excited about his next car. Jared has had A LOT of labs done since his transplant and so he has quite the collection of cars. You would think that he would get tired of cars, but nope, that is what he picks out every time. The lab techs even know not to offer him anything except a car! I decided to try and find as many lab cars as I could. I'm sure that some of them have been lost but this is a pretty good representation of his collection. There are over 60 cars in this picture! That is a lot of pokes in one year! And there will be plenty more where those came from! At least he has something to look forward to if he has to be poked so often! :)